The Byrd's Nest: Sitting Down Will Kill You

If you are sitting down while reading this column, I must ask you to stop it. I cannot stand idly by while you kill yourself like this. You must get up right now and exercise, move, walk or do anything but sit down until you are ready for bed.

According to the latest news from some scientists somewhere in the world, sitting down will kill you. This is not news from the National Enquirer or The Onion. This is real life news from the Associated Press and other media outlets.

In January, an editorial published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine suggested that sitting down is very dangerous for the human body. The Associated Press reported that the news had authorities scrambling to redefine physical activity to highlight the dangers of sitting.

You might be thinking to yourself that frequent exercise will help. Think again, my agile-bodied friends!

A recent study published in the American Journal of Epidemology says exercise doesn’t offer much protection against the increased risk of premature death caused by sitting. CBSNews.com stated in a July 23 report that “the study followed 120,000 healthy adults between 1993 and 2006. It showed that women who spent more than six hours a day on their behinds had a 37 percent increased risk of premature death when compared to women who sat for three hours a day or less.”

For men, long hours of sitting brought an 18 percent increase in the risk of premature death.

What’s the deal? Why is sitting so dangerous? The study’s lead author, Dr. Alpa Patel, said, “Prolonged time spent sitting, independent of physical activity, has been shown to have important metabolic consequences.”

CBSNews.com said the consequences include abnormal cholesterol and glucose levels, high blood pressure and other so-called biomarkers of cardiovascular disease.

Why doesn’t exercise help? Because sitting for more than four hours – no matter how much exercise you’ve done – causes the body to enter a hibernation state. It shuts down some important regulating genes such as the ones that control glucose and fat in the body.

That means sitting down causes you to get fat, which can lead to a heart attack or any other number of cardiovascular diseases ready to take you out.
Ready for some sarcasm? I know am.

I had no idea that sitting on my heiny would make me fat. Here I was all these years blaming my bad snack habits for my belly when all along it was a combination of snacking and sitting. Next thing you know, they’re going to say I can’t just lay down and do nothing all day long. Geez, Louise!

Come on, scientists and brainiacs! We were already aware that sitting down for long periods of time is unhealthy. Our bones tell us so as we stand up and emit noises haunted houses dare not make. When we drive for more than two hours without taking a break to stand up and stretch, and our legs cramp up, our backs give out and we swear to never do it again, we understand that sitting for too long is dangerous.

So where do we go from here with this study? While friends and family members struggle to fight cancers from which we have discovered no vaccine or cures, we are learning that sitting down is dangerous. HIV is still a pretty bad disease to catch, and folks that live with it must take a daily regimen of antiretrovirals, but instead of dedicating brain power to that cause, we’ll just study the effects of sitting down.

If I were a rude person, I might just tell those scientists that they can just … sit down.

Well, there was some good news on the HIV war this past week. Doctors have resisted using the word “cure” when it comes to HIV because of the disease’s ability to resist extermination within a host, but hopes of a cure have resurfaced. A conference was scheduled to discuss the possibility. Also doctors believe they have created a gel that will help protect women against the disease.

These latest advances may not mean much in our area, but in Africa, it could be the difference between life and death.

There are better things to study than sitting down, and I sure hope our researching buddies learn that in a hurry.