Murphy's Laws of Government and Politics No. 1

Warning: Much of the following is capable of generating anger, frustration, nervousness, hot and cold sweats, and other adverse reactions to those of the left-leaning liberal political persuasion. To everyone else you may die laughing. Read on at your own discretion.

Much to my wife’s vexation I tend to be a collector of oddities. Among them I’ve amassed a rather large collection of Murphy’s Laws and other witticisms. Browsing through them recently I found several that are really appropriate to today’s political and national state of affairs. I’d like to share a few of them with you… so buckle up and prepare to laugh, cry and be angry as is appropriate. (Where no name or source is quoted, I was unable to discover the original author.)

“It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.” Talk about a suitable lead off on the list. Seems Washington politicians blame everyone and everything except themselves for the mess this government and nation is in. Unfortunately, we voters re-elect the same scoundrels time after time.

I love this one… “We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?” Needs no additional comment.

“Do you know why a banana is like a politician? When he first comes in he is green, then he turns yellow and then he’s rotten.” Sounds true to me… especially now days.

“Congressmen should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we can identify their corporate sponsors.” We should be able to know which big corporation owns which politician so we can plan our investments better!

I like this one from Will Rogers – “We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.”

“Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?” If we could do it that way, it would be a whole lot more fun, and probably more beneficial to the country than the way it is done now. At least we could know more about their sponsors!

“If at first you don’t succeed… blame someone.” Boy is this true in Washington, D.C. these days. As a corollary, they do it this way: “If at first you don’t succeed… blame someone besides yourself and your political philosophies.”

“The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but politicians come close.” And so does the 95 percent of the so-called work they do for the common citizen.

“Baker’s First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors and big multi-national corporations.” This one needs no additional comments. OK, I will comment. This is another sinkhole into which our tax dollars disappear.

“Baxter’s First Law: Government intervention in the free market always leads to a lower national standard of living.” Amen, Baxter! Amen! Sunderland’s Corollary: The more pervasive the government intervention, the lousier things get.

“Bureaucracy Principle: Only a bureaucracy can fight a bureaucracy… voters can’t.” And the bureaus do little else but fight over which bureau gets the most of your tax dollars.

“Fifth Law of Unreliability: To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a congressional committee.” Well, there is a multitude of other ways the government can err, but those I’ll tackle another day.

“Imhoff’s Law: The organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank – the really big chunks always rise to the top.” I thought about leaving this one off the list, but then I’ve always tried to be honest and complete in my reporting and editorial work.

“Jacquin’s Postulate: No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe when the legislature is in session.” Amen! Brother, preach it.

“Law of Legislative Action: The length of time it takes a bill to pass through the legislature (i.e. Congress, etc.) is in inverse proportion to the number of lobbying groups favoring it.” We should add “and the amount of money donated by multinational businesses, etc.

“Lovka’s First Political Principle: There is no sincerity like a politician telling a lie.” This does not require additional commentary, except to note that many of today’s national government level politicians on a certain side of the aisle seem to have a very hard time distinguishing between telling the truth and telling a lie.

More to come in my second installment of Murphy’s Laws of Government. Hope you got a chuckle or two. Nonetheless, the truths contained in these bits of humor can also make you cry. We need to bring more and more pressure to bear on our elected officials to become really true representatives of you and I, and NOT a bought politician of some big corporation, or other political organization.

P.S. Most historical sources date “Murphy’s Laws,” as well as the “Kilroy was here” artwork to sometime around the Second World War. My dad served in the Pacific Theatre in WWII and some of the photos taken of him has Kilroy painted or chalked in the background. Also, some of his letters to his parents include a Murphy’s Law quotation.